How to Have a Conscious Relationship
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All relationships follow seasons.
Consider valuing the quality of true love rather than until death do us part.
“Know Thyself”
These are the words inscribed at the entrance of a temple home to an oracle in the ancient Greek city of Delphi. The oracle was said to channel Apollo, the god of prophecy and healing.
Stoicism and philosophies that prioritize truth highly revere Apollo.
This article explores the importance of deeply understanding yourself and your inner truth when seeking conscious relationships.
In the age we live in now, we have access to information that allows us to cultivate a connection with our own inner oracle to be divinely guided.
The Evolution of Relationships
Since ancient times, society has taken many turns regarding romantic relationships. Around 900 AD, marriage began to take hold as an institution. Patriarchy, extending into religion and family systems, was forming as a way to control the masses.
Even in patriarchal India, heteronormative marriage holds value.
The same area of the world where the left-handed tantric path was born, teaching deconditioning as a way to truth and liberation.
Only in the 13th century did either partner’s consent become important in marriage. The notion of being in love with one’s partner is a relatively recent development, having emerged only in the past 250 years.
It seems we are at a point in history where our programming around relationships is being brought to the surface for us to examine. The concepts of romantic love, sexual attraction, and soul connection with a partner are now within reach.
Transforming Old Conditioning
A conscious relationship departs from traditional views of marriage and monogamy. In the past, people often saw marriage as a way to secure wealth and fulfill societal expectations.
Today, we view marriage as a platform for maximizing love and expanding sexual expression.
The patriarchal view of marriage as an institution emphasized finding a partner who could meet your needs.
Conscious relationships emphasize finding a partner who can act as a mirror, uncovering areas where you’re not whole, and providing the opportunity to heal and gain personal power.
Beliefs around partnership are shifting towards personal and spiritual growth to achieve self-realization.
Adopting the belief that love is multidimensional allows you to see all expressions of humanity as acts and forms of love.
(Obviously, this excludes forms of toxicity that put us in danger.)
This paradigm holds the full aliveness of our humanity with safety, integrity, and unconditional love, even in the face of rejection.
Relational Love
Perfectionist ideals are not realistic or authentic, as the mainstream media portrays the concept of happily ever after.
Projectional love is when you fall in love with someone based on what you think they can do for you. Your desires form the basis of this love, making it an illusion.
A true, deep partnership is varied and dynamic. Relational love is founded on truth. It is the best path to love and be loved over a lifetime.
We have the luxury of choosing any relationship structure as long as it is truly aligned. Defining what that is for you starts with knowing who you are and leads to a willingness to love the person you’re with for who they truly are.
This form of relating transcends the honeymoon stage and is based on compassion.
Many don’t know how to effectively work through intense emotions brought on by romantic relating and find themselves engaging in connections that leave them unsatisfied. Without doing the healing work, people go numb and fall out of love or start fighting and get lost in toxic spirals.
Seeing your partner as a mirror allows you to integrate triggers, work towards wholeness, and establish trust. Once you remove the blocks to intimacy and enjoy deep connection, you can transition into a pleasure stage.
Practice Honest Communication
Some of the best ways to avoid limiting patterns in partnership are to practice nonviolent communication, trust that you can survive growth cycles, and support each other in doing deep healing work.
If you can return to a depth of honest communication, falling in love will come from something real.
The grittiest people are the most successful in long-term relationships. Reading books, getting coaching, going to workshops, and engaging in partner practices are all tools to reach this point.
All relationships follow seasons. Consider valuing the quality of true love rather than until death do us part.
Sex, intimacy, and love can actually get deeper after 10 or 20 years together. Appreciating the real journey brings lasting satisfaction. High-level partnerships can blossom into true love over time.
In the true love stage, you start to self-realize together. You are no longer dependent on one another or under any illusions about what your partner can do for you.
Relationships based on truth are the gold standard. It’s courageous to have love and truth as values, continually honoring breakups and conscious separation just as much as we celebrate people coming together.
Sometimes, when a relationship isn’t meant to continue, the next partner you attract will meet you at a higher and more fulfilling level if you’ve allowed yourself to be in the container of your previous relationship with integrity.
Overcome Sexual Blocks
Classical tantra teaches us that every moment is divine. That philosophy means that your partner is divine. A teacher of profound wisdom and a platform on which you can become an initiate.
It’s such a rich and fertile ground for personal evolution. Your partner mirrors your own deep reality, allowing you to see through egoic illusions.
A healthy, powerful relationship is an invitation to wholeness. It shows us where we aren’t whole and where we are playing small.
Radical responsibility is the key. That means going within when old wounding patterns around intimacy arise before approaching your partner.
Most sexual blocks come from fear. Fear can manifest as the fear of sexual surrender and the potential for harm. Or being scared of being fully seen.
Asking yourself where the emotion originates in your body can help you identify areas of disconnection or blockage.
Where do you feel overwhelmed, and how can you care for yourself in those moments?
Ask yourself what you need and honor your inner guidance, even if it goes against your immediate impulse. The primal and limbic systems code your body and initiate your capacity for intimacy and connection.
Working somatically to understand those parts in an embodied way will allow you to show up more fully in partnership.
Create the Vision
Magnetize partners who can meet you at your level of wholeness. By embodying a new reality and creating a vision of your ideal partnership, you may find that your partner will rise to meet you there through their own unique process.
There’s an alchemical womb space from which a feminine partner can blueprint the relationship.
When embracing this process, it’s important not to fall into the desire to control based on wounding. Always honor both your sovereignty and theirs.
A deep relational vision at the core of your sexuality allows your partner to align with your highest potential. This is how you attract high-vibration partnerships.
Form A Secure Attachment With Yourself
When you honor your desire for conscious partnership, be your own secure attachment figure. Ask yourself questions like,
How do you fear connection, and how do you respond out of that fear?
How can you trust that you can love yourself?
When you’re aware of your motivations, self-honoring and self-connection are possible, even in the face of fear of love.
Some of us are anxious, avoidant, or disorganized in our attachments.
Frequent need for validation, dependency on others, feelings of unworthiness, or difficulty setting boundaries suggest an anxious attachment style.
Avoidance patterns cause disconnection, desire to run away, desire to ghost, and even dissociation during sex.
Disorganized attachment styles manifest in an inability to comfort, ambivalence in close relationships, avoidance of physical contact, and difficulty building trust.
In these states, it’s common to abandon ourselves and subtly blame the other person.
Finding your core and lovingly connecting to your inner story can give you security and allow you to come home to yourself.
Many of us face the terror of love, creating chaotic patterns in our relationships.
If you can anchor into love and hold yourself in so much love that you become much more secure in yourself and your relationship, you will drastically improve your potential for a conscious partnership.
This process allows you to reclaim your power by reconnecting with your inner child. Projections, emotions, childhood wounding, communication, and who you are in the moment are all choices when we become conscious of them.
Should You Stay or Should You Go
If you’re a doormat, you can choose to walk away. Always take care of yourself so you can make decisions from an integrated perspective.
If you’re wondering whether or not to stay in a current relationship, ask yourself what the most loving thing you can do for yourself or your partner is.
If you stay in the partnership, do you want to be who the relationship calls you to be?
Is it in alignment with your highest self?
To make this work, who do you need to become?
Are the challenges inviting you to thrive and level up?
This is a learning process for all of us since the ability to choose conscious relationships is such a new concept.
Thank you for reading! With infinite love and gratitude, I hope you discover the blissful partnership your heart desires. 💖